Community as Nurture

By Eileen Ahlquist
Creativity + Social Change
University of Connecticut

When I think of community, a metaphor that comes to my mind is “nurture." Maybe it was my being part of a crazy, dysfunctional family that led me seeking community to connect with as a growing child and seeking spirit. Perhaps it is the bonds with people or places that have fulfilled my various needs at different times in my life when my own self is not enough. To survive as a human, we need nurturing  ... for our physical bodies, our developing minds and our spirited souls. Within community, there lies a foster-mother as a source of nurture for those facets of existence.

Nurture can be defined as: to feed and protect; to support and encourage; to bring up, train, educate. First, consider: to feed. It is our first and most basic need for survival. While we initially get this need met from our mothers or parents, “feeding” and eating becomes primary in many community aspects. Sometimes it becomes a social event or sometimes it is someone in need receiving food. It could be dining at an event or celebration, baking cookies for the neighbor, “breaking-bread” with a gathering of friends, cooking for someone(s) in distress, or the helping to provide food through donations to food banks or serving in a soup kitchen. Food and feeding is probably the most common shared community experience, no matter what culture you live in. It is a central theme of connection and providing.

While “feed” may immediately relate to food, there are other important ways we need to be fed. We are all in need of being fed love - whether it is attention, affection, words or touch. Any developing human needs this as much as food and we receive love throughout life from all over our community. Aside of our family, love can come from neighbors, daycare providers, teachers, friends, lovers, strangers, churches & leaders. Again, regardless of what culture you are from, love is another strand of food for a developing human.

Protection could be considered the literal shelter we need from elements. If someone(s) is lacking this basic need, there are often places in the community to get help. Even if one is self-providing, there is reliance on trades-people to create this for us. Protection comes as another form of nurture in community as we confide in and trust our friends, form our neighborhood watches and have emergency services like the police and ambulances to keep us safe.

When we look at the rest of what nurture means - to support and encourage; bring up, train, educate, it is so evident how much nurturing we receive from community. The primary institutions that help “grow” us, guide us, teach us, love us. Schools and churches are full of people and ideas that shape and inspire us as we develop. As we extend beyond institutions, there are clubs such as boy/girl scouts, mentors, elders, teachers, friends, gyms, associations, therapists, and 12-step groups ... just to skim the surface.

When we think of nurture, it is natural to just think about your parents and family or your partner or spouse. But, the reality is that we receive nurturing everywhere. I don’t think we would label it as that, but consider how much (more) of life has been nurtured by community. It makes me realize, even more, how connected we are. It is a natural thread between us all to feel compassion and help or give to someone who doesn’t have basic need for surviving. When we see someone suffer, we suffer. It is instinctual to guide and help younger people. For some people who either don’t have family or are not close to family, community becomes their kin and source of nurturing. I know when I was growing up, the whole neighborhood looked out for each other’s kids.

While community may not be as immediate as it once was, we still have sources of nurture within it. Nowadays, people in some neighborhoods are less social and sometimes barely know each other. In addition, internet technology has replaced a lot of human interaction, but conversely, can make communication quicker and many more people available easier and faster. However, even with these changes, community will always be a nurturer. Whether a basic need is at risk, if we want to learn something, we are joining a religion or just looking for a group to share a hobby, we know community is there for us. (Even when we don’t know this, there is community that can link us to community!) It could be that family is not an option or a need could extend beyond what our family can offer. However we need, community can often help us or do for us what we sometimes cannot do for ourselves.