Ralph's Manifesto

By Ralph A Famiglietti
Creativity + Social Change, University of Connecticut

Waterbury, Connecticut

1. If you say something that you want to sound important, you ought to have some facts to back that statement up. (otherwise see #4)
2. Accept the fact that throughout your life you’re going to make mistakes. Some mistakes are going to be tiny and other more profound. And others are going to be titanic and life changing. Some mistakes will go unnoticed and others will be open to all to see. There’s no one right way to deal with your mistakes. That’s something you’re going to have to figure out as you go along.
3. Don’t be overly impressed with a title. You know, P.h.D. this and Chairman of that. Yeah, show a little extra respect, but not a lot.
4. Another fact you’re going to have to accept is it’s pretty hard to go through life without lying. The only way to get good at lying is to practice.
5. No matter what you do, how well you prepare, bad things will happen to you throughout your life. You’re going to get your ass kicked both figuratively and literally. I can tell you advice like, “Trust no one” or “Expect the unexpected” or “Be Prepared.” None of that will help. Here’s what will help after a bad event. Take a walk, pet a dog, talk to a friend or eat some tasty food. Stuff like that.
6. So as not to depress you too much after #5 I want to say: Good stuff will befall you throughout your life too. No amount of planning or preparation or education will matter. It’s just pure luck. Enjoy it.
7. You should always have a good joke available for different situations. One for your golf four-some. One for the PTA meeting. One for a waitress. And remember, it’s not the content of the joke, but the delivery of the punch line that matters.
8. Don’t be afraid to pay for professional services like electrical, plumbing, snow removal and landscaping. It makes sense. I know there’s a great deal of satisfaction and pride that comes with doing a tough job by yourself. Plus you save money. That makes sense too. I guess I’m saying #8 is something that can go either way.
9. Kids are great but childhood goes by so quickly. Keep being a kid fun. Yeah education and discipline and structure are important but so are video games. Three hours of video games a day is adequate. Forests have been cleared to write books on child raising so there’s nothing I or anyone can say in a paragraph to cover it all. Just don’t screw things up.
10. Know that a tomato is a fruit but realize that it doesn’t belong in a fruit salad. This statement has nothing to do with tomatoes. It’s about knowledge and common sense. Get it?
11. Believe me, your memory isn’t that good. No one’s is. Do you know where your car keys are now? Write stuff down. Everything. Keep a journal or a diary, take pictures. Labeling stuff is good too.
12. Apologies are another tricky thing to work out. Most, but not all the time, they’re necessary. You may owe a guy an apology but he’s such an asshole that your pride prohibits you from saying, “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” That’s a case where you don’t have to apologize. Apologies require just a tiny bit of groveling. A chef would say, “A dash.” Anyway, don’t overdo an apology.
13. Understand that in life there are certain things that can’t be justified. You can condone an unnecessary war and urinating in public but you can’t condone littering or kicking a puppy. Learn which is which.
14. Talking about politics will do you more harm than good. Enough said.
15. “What’s wrong is wrong even if it does you good” and “Happiness comes from comparing ourselves to less successful people and reference groups.” These are quotes from Popeye and Dilbert. Don’t be afraid to watch cartoons and read the funnies.
16. “You only have one chance to make a good first impression.” I hate people who say stuff like that. Everyone does. It’s preachy and they’re trying to appear sophisticated and better than you. Don’t ever let them get away with it. Immediately do or say something to put them down. People will thank you.
17. A lot of times, shorter is better. Extending or dragging things out more than necessary will only antagonize people. This manifesto is one of them times. The end.